People Need People --- Healing happens when you address all 5 parts of what makes you human! And it speeds up when someone truly 'gets' us - by being part of a community - in real life or online. Having control over our own life is so important too. Find a laptop and join us!
I woke up at 5 am to watch the sunrise. I sat enthralled looking at the birds on a wire and ducks playing.
The RV behaved today. So did we! We took our time driving through sleepy little, pine-beetle infested towns in the interior and periodically sun-bathing by the side of the road.
Eventually we arrived in Prince George where my friend Allan welcomed us with open arms. We parked behind his house - the RV had become my second home and we still slept in it. However we did spend hours in Allan’s amazing massage chair. Comfort camping at its best!
We had a minor technical glitch the night before the presentation. After backing up the Mac, my presentation disappeared. I was beside myself with worry – and Julie’s calm demeanor made me even more furious. Eventually we found my presentation in the “Time Machine” – I love PCs!
Waking up this morning was a slow process and it didn’t happen until 10:30am. After peeking through the curtains, I realized we were only 10 feet away from the edge of a ravine! And sure enough, there was the waterfall we heard the night before. Somehow, the scary monsters and angry rapids of the night before had turned into tranquil, moss-covered trees and gentle running waters.Having a disability presents numerous challenges – part of me wanted to climb rocks and explore our surroundings - the other part of me realized that myelopathy makes it difficult for me even to walk.
However, I pushed limits and pre-conceived ideas firmly out of my mind and climbed the darn rocks. What a great start to the day.
When we finally filled up with the elusive propane and bought a few groceries, we were serenaded by a live, three piece band playing “When the Saints come marching in” – fabulous! The day was full of small adventures. We started our pilgrimage of local libraries at the Yale Public Library, which turned out to be a great little place attached to the elementary school - and only open 3 days a week (we lucked out in that one of the days was today). Julie conquered her fear of heights by dangling hundreds of feet above the boiling waters of Hells Gate just outside of Boston Bar, BC. And I laid down on a suspension bridge made of strong, steel mesh with the rushing waters just below me. I have been testing my limits today walking up and down slopes and standing for long periods of time at a museum about salmon spawning in the Fraser River.
The terrain beyond Hope is spectacular. We began our journey surrounded by alpine mountains and the awe-inspiring Fraser canyon. Slowly the hills became less jagged and steep (the RV – or Julie – was relieved) and there were valleys, some of them quite desert like. I discovered that Julie is obsessed with trains – we stopped, watched and filmed 4 huge trains, each with more than 100 carriages – all within the space of an hour.We drove to an odd little town called 100-Mile-House, where we spent the night on a lakefront next to a racetrack.
Happy 19th birthday Thomas! ReBuildingYou’s talented systems executive becomes an adult!
Julie and I woke up to the sound of a donkey braying – after all, it is spring and love is in the air (men looking for sex are damn noisy!).
Julie spent the morning pulling weeds, while I made myself comfortable with a book on a wooden swing under a shady oak tree. We took a picnic lunch to the beach and I tested my walking powers on the pebbly beach. Life doesn’t get much better than this!
Our goal that evening was to reach Hope – and, really, we needed to leave right away… However, it was just too tempting to have a FAR INFRARED sauna and a long shower in Karen’s executive suite before we left. We drank glasses of ionized water and learned just how much better – and cheaper – this is for us compared to Evian (or wine).
Nine o’clock found us on the road - and excited to be on our way after a great day. There were a few technical glitches with the RV – something about propane, duel fuel, a leaky water tank, gauges that didn’t work, a broken GPS holder-thingy and an airlock. Not to mention that we are both directionally challenged at night and had a hard time finding east! Somehow we made it to Hope – by 1:00 am!
Just as we limped into Hope (we were dangerously low on propane) the engine sputtered, refused to switch to gasoline and died. This was not a good place to stop – on a bend, with the threat of a semi whisking around the corner at any moment.
At that moment, I panicked while Julie stayed calm and finished making our curry. Apparently the engine just needed a ‘little time’. Luckily after we were happily fed, the RV started (thank you god!). However, two miles up the road the engine died for a second time – we weren’t sure why? Everything was pitch black and we couldn’t even see the stars. We were in the middle of the forest with huge pines on either side – in the background we could hear the angry rush of a waterfall and rapids (too close for comfort). We were tired… We needed to rest.
This time I stayed calm and started telling Julie about the Highway of Tears story. Then – being in an RV – I got into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and went straight to sleep. Julie spent the next two hours scared out of her wits, with an axe beside her bed (I had the pepper spray!). As I drifted off to sleep, a wolf was howling in the background and questions about my sanity did cross my mind...
Julie and I have embarked on a strange and wonderful adventure. We are travelling to Prince George in an RV to present at the Beyond Hope library conference. Our session is called “ReBuilding Health from the Ground Up” based on the best example of ‘grass roots’ health information we know – our website www.ReBuildingYou.
Let me backtrack and tell you a little about myself. I am the new creative director of ReBuildingYou.com and a passionate librarian and advocate. And as you probably know, Julie is a counsellor and founder of ReBuildingYou and we are traveling up to Prince George to present our brand new model of consumer health information – a system that will focus on the lived experiences of clients.
Day 1 – Thursday June 4, 2009 Julie and I decide to take leave of our senses – and Victoria – and drive to Prince George in a 1982 RV (we are not sure if the brakes work and there seems to be a hole in the water tank). Is this decision in any way a result of Julie’s brain injury? No! Not one bit. We both have learned that in order to make life truly worth living it’s really necessary to push boundaries and take chances. This sounds like one of those times?
The ferry trip was almost too easy. Our first stop was just over the U.S. border at a beautiful retreat in Point Roberts, owned by Karen Stanwood and offering luxurious hospitality just one hour south of Vancouver. Midnight found us sitting on lawnchairs, in waist-high grass with a glass of chardonnay, gazing at the full moon.
Julie and I have embarked on a strange and wonderful adventure. We are travelling to Prince George in an RV to present at the Beyond Hope library conference. Our session is called “ReBuilding Health from the Ground Up” based on the best example of ‘grass roots’ health information we know – our website www.ReBuildingYou.
Let me backtrack and tell you a little about myself. I am the new creative director of ReBuildingYou.com and a passionate librarian and advocate. And as you probably know, Julie is a counsellor and founder of ReBuildingYou and we are traveling up to Prince George to present our brand new model of consumer health information – a system that will focus on the lived experiences of clients.
On the heels of the article about bullying - and images of hate and unhappiness in homes, schools, camps, police stations everywhere and countless other places - comes this week's article about love. Love and the courage to grow.
Facing your past is not easy. It requires great courage.
But the rewards are great. Freedom. Confidence. Trust - trust in others because of trust in yourself.
This man, Tupac Shakur, who is a shining hero for so many of our youth, had the courage to face his own past and to try and help others who were walking in his shoes. His beautiful book of rap poetry The Rose That Grew From Concrete is well worth a read.
The following poem is an example of the amazing goodies that arrive in email inboxes sometimes! Check it out...
Loved…
The path to healing is one which leads into discomfort
There is no easy way to open old wounds without allowing them to bleed
And pain is so often the price of awareness, wisdom and love
Warriors may choose to walk alone - experiencing life’s dramas with power and fortitude
Crying in silence and dying in isolation
They become the heroes – the glorified
But rarely the loved
Love comes in sharing, watching, feeling and allowing my pain to mix with yours
It is in these shared experiences I find my strength to face life’s dramas with faith and confidence
For I am not alone
Your tears have become my strength, my courage to let go of my own
I treasure the tears we have share just as I treasure our joy
It leads me down my path less afraid to bleed
Taking the steps to healing – not dying in isolation
Recently I've been reminded again recently of how commonplace bullying is. After all bullying is just taking advantage - and using whatever we need to do that - to get our own way. And as humans are naturally motivated to fulfill their own needs and urges, it's not too much of a stretch to see how bullying can sneak in...
There is so much bullying around us: kids who bully other kids at school; a parent who bullies the other parent - which their kids see and learn and often feel the brunt of; parents who bully children and kids who bully their parents; teachers who bully students; employers bullying employees; POLICE BULLYING teenagers. The list is almost endless. Put an end to hate and refuse to stand by and watch a bully abuse others - anywhere... Even if it's 'not your concern' gently and quietly take a stand and witness fairness and justice. Bullies shy away from an audience...
This week, among several other kinds of abuse, I heard a sad - and very, very familiar - story about police bullying. I can imagine the frustrations involved in policing young folk, particularly young guys. But please, Mr Policeman, you were a young person too once. If we can show respect, compassion - and of course justice - to our youth, society will reap the benefits in spades when these young people become adults.
And now the article:
Bullying. Recognizing it is the first step... -the first of many articles by my mother and I!!
If there is anything about us that is 'different' - or sometimes just ‘new' - there's a good chance that someone will find that reason enough to bully and tease. Particularly if that potential bully is insecure, deep down, themselves...
Of course the disabled - and particularly the newly disabled - can be ripe targets of bullying. They are often dependent and/or young and/or particularly trusting. I was intrigued when I read this article from a very special woman in her seventh decade, reflecting on a subject that has touched her life - and in turn has touched so many lives. I admire her being willing to share her experiences with us all and have the hope that somehow her story will help all of us become a little more aware of this insidious behaviour. If you know of someone who is suffering bullying, please get help - call your local police, child help line or local social services. When the bullying has physically stopped, let a COUNSELLOR show you how to heal the emotional damage...
This is what my very special guest has to say...
"Sadly, many of us go have to go through a form of bullying it seems just to survive our daily lives. It can even start in school when we are very young - and how hurtful it can be. It can make a person reluctant to make decisions in the future for fear that they may be made to look silly or maybe come up against another bully. As I know only too well... A lifetime of hurt and baggage before we even graduate childhood.
Bullying within a marriage is completely unforgivable - because the bully is someone you've given your heart to. In fact sometimes a young person or even a small child can also experience that kind of behaviour from parents or siblings at home... The very people and place we need more than anything to be our safe haven.
Unfortunately, there are deep undercurrents of patterns at work here. Someone who is the victim of bullying as a child may, despite promising themselves that they would never bully anyone, end up an unwitting bully. And so the pattern continues. One fairly sure way of breaking this chain is through education and self-development through counselling. Very powerful...
Wherever bullying takes place, particularly if the bully is someone we have given our love and trust to, the victim loses their self-confidence. They have no idea what the day will bring - sometimes a good day but always the doubt that maybe this day they will be punished either physically or mentally. So never quite sure what the day will bring for them and never being able to enjoy the feeling of ease, safety and peace - which I wish with all my heart for everyone.
Sometimes victims feel that everything is his/her fault. They will even make excuses for the bully. With adult victims friends and family might try to persuade them that this bullying behaviour must not be allowed to continue but often the victim cannot see, stand up to or change the bullying. After a while the victim becomes unable to make normal every day decisions for fear of making a mistake which will 'rock the boat'. I've often heard this feeling described as ‘walking on eggshells' - a horrible way to live a life. For me, freedom of speech is one of the most basic Human Rights and yet so many of us don't really enjoy it.
Getting away from a situation like this is not easy, especially when there are children involved. Emotionally it's very likely that you've become unsure about exactly what's happening and where ‘right' begins and ‘wrong' ends. Physically you may be dependent on the bully for your daily life - most bullies can also be very loving and generous - when they choose. And of course the ‘weaker' among us - typically the disabled, sick, elderly and children - are especially at risk of becoming a victim.
Abuse and bullying are slowly becoming more the focus of attention - for which I am so thankful. I hope that one day they will be regarded as seriously as drug addiction or alcoholism. As a society we need to put in place more - and more acceptable - alternatives for our care so that we aren't so dependent on these bullies. The sooner the victims are released from these unbearable situations, the better. A leopard cannot change its spots - unless it really wants to and is willing to work hard on self-development with a counsellor or other health professional.
More often than not, these rotten situations get worse, not better."
Anonymous...
Of course these bullies were almost always the victims of other bullies themselves at some point in their lives. That's the rub... And the tragic pattern. They desperately need society to take a stand and help them to overcome their own pasts and at the same time to help their victims... Who they often love. And who, at the very least, are those of us who are for some reason dependent on them.
I challenge our society to provide a real alternative in the way of income, social supports and the opportunity for the most disabled among us to work, take a real part in life and to be able to contribute our skills and so rise above this sad behaviour...And above all, today, I challenge the police to root out bullying from within their ranks and to show decent and fair treatment to everyone they come in contact with.
If you have a comment, opinion or story, we would love to read and share it... Either with your name or anonymously.
Twenty four years ago I was lying in a coma; my mum holding my hand and praying. Ten years later, I was back. In 1985 I could find no rehab at all. Then in 2006 I was in a MVA. I hadn't realized how close I was to the edge of my abilities; it only took a nudge to send me over (physically, not mentally!) I was totally disabled for a year.
This time my rehab was wildly different. I felt safe and cared for and I was part of a fabulous group, all working together with a common goal. Much of the actual rehab was similar to what I had discovered on my own over the years. The magic was the people. A light went on for me! I realized that in order to heal and grow, we humans do our best work in community. We also need to pay attention to ALL FIVE VIBRANT COLOURS OF OUR HUMANITY - or it just won't work. And so www.ReBuildingYou.com was born - a website to share rehabilitation tips, news, methods and communities So that no-one need stumble alone. Come BACK Faster and Stronger - Build Attitude with Community and Knowlege.
Eventually we arrived in Prince George where my friend Allan welcomed us with open arms. We parked behind his house - the RV had become my second home and we still slept in it. However we did spend hours in Allan’s amazing massage chair. Comfort camping at its best! 
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