Choosing Rehab...

The other day I received this letter from Adam, which he has given me permission to share with you. Since then I have contacted the Brain Injury Society where he lives and found him the names of 3 rehabilitation hospitals that can help him and a hyperbaric oxygen center close to where he lives. I've also blended and reprinted the information that I gathered, while doing this search, to help guide him in his choice - CLICK HERE. I'll keep you posted on new developments and hopefully bring you some photos too.

I hope that his story will help spur you on to find some rehab if you're considering it. These are some steps to help you get started:

1. contact your local Association or Society (cancer, brain injury etc) - you can often find them by Googling them
2. email them and ask for a list of facilities in your area that could help you
3. follow my RBY guide.

I know that when I took these steps, nearly 25 years ago now, I was in pretty bad shape, like Adam. When you're in that place you feel desperate and alone. But with hard work - which I was willing to do and I can see Adam is willing to do too - miracles happen. I pray that when Adam gets out of rehab we can meet up and dance together! Good luck Adam... If you want to wish him luck too, please add your wishes with the 'comment' button. Or EMAIL ME and I will pass on your wishes to him. Thank you!

Hello, My name is Adam Rogers. And I am going to tell you a strange, but very true story. And ask you for some help.

Five years back, Sept. 23, 2003 to be exact, I was in a near fatal motorcycle accident. And I was not speeding or wasted. I do not remember it, or any of the two years prior. So here it sis, in a nutshell.

I was traveling home on my motorcycle to my wife and two children, on highway 1, just outside of Carmel, CA, when I ran into 6, I am told, dead Wild Boar, lying on the highway. Anyway, I was thrown from the motorcycle and sailed through the air. Luckily for me my 30+ years of martial arts training paid off. As I tucked and rolled. The move definitely saved my life. But, as I was thrown ahead of the motorcycle, it caught up to me and hit my head. So I suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury.

I was in a coma for 30 days. And in, what I am told is a semi-coma for five months after. I am at home now, but am disabled. I cannot walk. And not because of loss of limbs. As I am very strong and can stand easily. It is a balance issue. As I have none. My doctor says that the nerves in my ‘core’ are damagd.

It is just very difficult. As I am very strong. As at the time of the accident I was a US amatuer middleweight kickboxing champion.

So now I am now begging you for some help. I want to walk. Don’t get me wrong. I am thankful to be alive. Just, not like this. I can’t even wheel myself in my wheel chair. As when I hit, like I said I tucked and rolled. And I landed on my left shoulder. Breaking my left clavicle. I am at the end of my rope. So I am looking for some live in rehab.

I will tell you my thoughts. As I sit here in my wheel chair I cannot sit forward. I try, but cannot. I am sure this is the problem. I canot even use cane. As I am so physically strong that I throw it. And as I said, I broke my left clavicle, so cannot use my left hand or arm. Can you, will you help me? Adam...

Last Day On The Road...

Today we drove through extremes of scenery - from arid desert-like hills with salt bushes and great chasms - to the alpine, twisting roads of the Fraser Canyon. We passed gold mining rivers and dusty towns that had come and gone with the gold rush. We passed tourist attractions and run down roadside stops - including one totally over-the-top Elvis themed cafe run by a very unhappy man... Somehow we missed Hope, where we intended to stop for a while and drove on to Chilliwack. Neither of us were ready to end our holiday and enter the so-called civilized world... We stopped and Marilyn soothed her angst with a fabulous camera. I bought a part for my GPS and a teeshirt. Eventually we could delay it no longer and drove the last few miles. Our week had been great and after we polished up the motorhome and left it in my friend's field, we bought some of the delicious Blackberry Wine - the one that goes so well with white chocolate fudge - to tide us over until the next trip.

Day 2 - Roadtrip to Beyond Hope...

Day 2 – Friday June 5, 2009

Happy 19th birthday Thomas! ReBuildingYou’s talented systems executive becomes an adult!

Julie and I woke up to the sound of a donkey braying – after all, it is spring and love is in the air (men looking for sex are damn noisy!).

Julie spent the morning pulling weeds, while I made myself comfortable with a book on a wooden swing under a shady oak tree. We took a picnic lunch to the beach and I tested my walking powers on the pebbly beach. Life doesn’t get much better than this!

Our goal that evening was to reach Hope – and, really, we needed to leave right away… However, it was just too tempting to have a FAR INFRARED sauna and a long shower in Karen’s executive suite before we left. We drank glasses of ionized water and learned just how much better – and cheaper – this is for us compared to Evian (or wine).

Nine o’clock found us on the road - and excited to be on our way after a great day. There were a few technical glitches with the RV – something about propane, duel fuel, a leaky water tank, gauges that didn’t work, a broken GPS holder-thingy and an airlock. Not to mention that we are both directionally challenged at night and had a hard time finding east! Somehow we made it to Hope – by 1:00 am!

Just as we limped into Hope (we were dangerously low on propane) the engine sputtered, refused to switch to gasoline and died. This was not a good place to stop – on a bend, with the threat of a semi whisking around the corner at any moment.

At that moment, I panicked while Julie stayed calm and finished making our curry. Apparently the engine just needed a ‘little time’. Luckily after we were happily fed, the RV started (thank you god!). However, two miles up the road the engine died for a second time – we weren’t sure why? Everything was pitch black and we couldn’t even see the stars. We were in the middle of the forest with huge pines on either side – in the background we could hear the angry rush of a waterfall and rapids (too close for comfort). We were tired… We needed to rest.

This time I stayed calm and started telling Julie about the Highway of Tears story. Then – being in an RV – I got into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and went straight to sleep. Julie spent the next two hours scared out of her wits, with an axe beside her bed (I had the pepper spray!). As I drifted off to sleep, a wolf was howling in the background and questions about my sanity did cross my mind...

Julie and I have embarked on a strange and wonderful adventure. We are travelling to Prince George in an RV to present at the Beyond Hope library conference. Our session is called “ReBuilding Health from the Ground Up” based on the best example of ‘grass roots’ health information we know – our website www.ReBuildingYou.

Let me backtrack and tell you a little about myself. I am the new creative director of ReBuildingYou.com and a passionate librarian and advocate. And as you probably know, Julie is a counsellor and founder of ReBuildingYou and we are traveling up to Prince George to present our brand new model of consumer health information – a system that will focus on the lived experiences of clients.

Roadtrip! Prince George Library's conference, 'Beyond Hope'

Day 1 – Thursday June 4, 2009

Julie and I decide to take leave of our senses – and Victoria – and drive to Prince George in a 1982 RV (we are not sure if the brakes work and there seems to be a hole in the water tank). Is this decision in any way a result of Julie’s brain injury? No! Not one bit. We both have learned that in order to make life truly worth living it’s really necessary to push boundaries and take chances. This sounds like one of those times?

The ferry trip was almost too easy. Our first stop was just over the U.S. border at a beautiful retreat in Point Roberts, owned by Karen Stanwood and offering luxurious hospitality just one hour south of Vancouver. Midnight found us sitting on lawnchairs, in waist-high grass with a glass of chardonnay, gazing at the full moon.


Julie and I have embarked on a strange and wonderful adventure. We are travelling to Prince George in an RV to present at the Beyond Hope library conference. Our session is called “ReBuilding Health from the Ground Up” based on the best example of ‘grass roots’ health information we know – our website www.ReBuildingYou.

Let me backtrack and tell you a little about myself. I am the new creative director of ReBuildingYou.com and a passionate librarian and advocate. And as you probably know, Julie is a counsellor and founder of ReBuildingYou and we are traveling up to Prince George to present our brand new model of consumer health information – a system that will focus on the lived experiences of clients.

NAIG - North American Indigenous Games A day of joy...

We need more joy in this world...

Lives are broken and smashed by trauma - racial, physical, emotional...

This day was a celebration of success...

The North American Indigenous culture was suddenly traumatized - much like an individual who suffers a stroke or serious injury - when the European settlers landed on these shores. As ReBuilding is where my mind is these days, I was obsessing about the similarities between trauma to an individual and trauma to a whole Nation...



This was a day for the First Nations... No mistake. A real celebration. It was also wonderful inspiration to all those who have suffered severe trauma of all kinds...








I've never seen so much hi-fiving in all my life!...







I felt gratitude, being able to applaud strong, young athletes... Taking over my generation's struggles 'to overcome' the past, with new energy and in such positive ways. They do it with apparent ease and grace...






Tribal journeys - which is a fantastic 'Outward Bound' kind of program that takes an active approach in attending to internal problems within the family/culture - had taken place all week with longboats arriving in Cowichan Bay from all over North America and Canada...


I was hoping and praying that the crowds would turn out for the celebrations planned for Sunday. As a Caucasian who is anything but comfortable with her race's history, I want so badly to create new history - a fabulous 'today' - founded on unity and hope and goodwill.

As it happened, thousands of people turned out on this hot, sunny day to cheer the four-and-a-half THOUSAND athletes in the North American Indigenous Games - teams from Alberta and Arizona to New York and Nova Scotia...



I was delighted! The choir that I sing with, One Human Family Gospel Choir, were there, helping to line the route. Here our director Eric (below), is being shaded with a parasol...





Along with the thousands of participants and spectators was a craft fair...

Again and again I saw a lovely blend of tradition, present and future.


This was a mom-and-daughter business making herbal creams in the traditional ways but marketing them in today's way - on the internet...


TheHul'qumi'num group was there promoting education about this land and its First Nations and history.

Representatives from the police force, Canadian Forces and Government offices were recruiting and a great example, to me, of the old and the new in perfect harmony was a beautiful 'today' black silk business-woman's suit with traditional First Nations markings...

The best story of all I discovered on Saturday...

A handful of experienced security men and women have been volunteering their services for First Nations events - including this one...


Supported by local business interests, these guys had been training with First Nations people to provide their Morning Star security for all their events.

They were delighted to show off the beautiful thank you gift that they'd received for all their hard work - and fondly remembered their founder, Lumpy Joe.


To me it was one more example of a community ReBuilding - taking the present and creating the future...

Real and respectful co-operation between people of all cultures.
The feeling of unity and love and an accepting generosity... (I appreciate this, even though the injury to the First Nations people was years before my birth)

I believe the secret of the future lies in unity...

As the great example we were shown here, we can learn from and respect history, seize today and embrace a new future... I pray that the future-builders - our sons and daughters - will be much wiser than our ancestors were and forge the future in peace.

ReBuilders must do the same thing...

I hope the day will come soon when there will be unity in the world: complete harmony, equality and acceptance between men and women of all colours and faiths and histories.

I keep finding examples of this these days - there's a feeling of goodwill and it's spreading!

Whirlwind of action

Wow! It's been nearly a month since I last posted... My goal was to post at least weekly?! I am so caught up (and still learning) in getting this website 'right' and launched, that I've been living and dreaming it. I could blame my brain injury for making it too easy to 'tangle everything up' - and then I find out from my brilliant friend Ann Handley's post that my fears are really no different from everyone else's... Yay!!

My dream is to have a website that will help give back control of your own life after trauma; a website that will provide a community for those recovering; a dating site that is gentler and a bit more subtle than some; a fantastic directory that gives not only the names and addresses of therapists but also provides details of the types of therapy that they do together with a few words about them personally and perhaps even a testimonial; articles sharing the latest news and developments in rehab; stories from alumni (all of us?) about our traumas so that no-one ever need feel alone again...

I almost always wake up before the end of my dreams - they're a bit long! To have a chance at success, I really need a lot of help to 'get out there' and known about. Which I'm sure will come when it's ready...

But back to 'now'... The big event in the last month was a fabulous conference in Dallas, Texas for eWomenNetwork where an unimaginable 3000 - yes, three thousand! - entrepreneurial women met and shared and networked and supported each other with their businesses. What power we have...

On these beautiful days I am torn by the desire to just 'enjoy some summer' and sit under the oak tree outside with some lemonade! My son - who provides ReBuildingYou with it's IT - now has his first car with sleek rims and throbbing stereo and has discovered tubing in local rivers and partying on some of our beautiful beaches... So much for quick progress for the website!

But you know what? It's all just the way it is meant to be... Without a healthy dose of JOY, progress - whether with a website, business or rehabilitation - will come to a standstill or at least be slow. I forget sometimes to 'take my own medicine' and balance the Physical, Emotional, Joy, Cognitive and Financial colours of life...

So here's hoping that the summer will soak into your bones and that you can take a few moments to feel the warmth of the sun on your face. In the long run, better and more lasting progress will be ours!

With a warm hug...

Love of Life...

This morning when I was walking on the beach, the tide was out and the sand was completely washed clean and smooth. It reminded me of a brand new slate waiting for us to write our futures on it. All of us. And if we made a mistake we could start again. Guaranteed! The sun was shining, the sea was sparkling and I felt serene and full - I felt like the world was my oyster. I can't remember when I last felt so 'right' and confident in my life? It's been a while...

I try and 'walk my talk' and pay attention to balancing all the areas of my life and carefully noticing everything I do - especially now so I can write about it! However the price of not paying attention can be high...

After a severe trauma it's as though our very life shuts down. Everything is 'un-automatic' and seems rusted shut. Every step takes effort and when you want to do something simple - like smile at someone and say hi - you have to deliberately make sure that you stretch the corners of your mouth 'up', make your eyes smile and concentrate on forming the word 'Hi' with your lips and make your voice work. It's hard work! Every area of life has to be carefully tended and balanced. It's so tempting to stay home. To cut off from the world. Surely this is just too much effort?

NO! You may feel down and hopeless some days but please, dig deep in your soul, fire up your computer and just type one finger in front of the other. One day you realize that, while you weren't paying attention, life has become playful and joyful again. Just like that! (Well, after a ton of effort!)

A walk on the beach is no longer just a walk. Sure it's still walking on the sand for exercise and air - but now it's so much more too! It's balancing on logs; walking heel to toe and actually feeling like checking out my prints in the sand; pulling pure air deep into my lungs and smiling at the sun. I'm smiling naturally and saying Hi to fellow walkers - very aware that some may be aching or lonely or sad. And another thing - dogs now come up to me and stick their noses in my lap! For months they have avoided me?

Never forget that somehow this precious 'love of life' does come back. Be patient with yourself. Be persistent. It always comes back eventually. And it really is so worth the wait!

Birthday parties...

A great analogy of how life tends to be for me came to me this morning when I was coaching my 7 year old grandson how to RSVP to a birthday party invitation. My older son was standing in line, waiting for my attention...

I really had an 'ahh' moment (as opposed to an 'aha' moment)...

I carefully read out the phone number for my grandson to dial. Which he did in just the slow and deliberate way you would expect any 7-year-old to do - and, interestingly, at about the same speed as I do... And because my son was watching and waiting, I really 'felt' the length of those extra seconds.

Then I coached him through the call... I reminded him to say "Hi"... and to say who he was... And to explain why he was calling. To say 'thank you for inviting me' and 'yes I will be coming' - and then to ask his questions about timing and directions. It was quite a long and complicated call. At the end he was beaming and so proud that he had every bit of the information he set out to get and he'd handled the call 'just like a grown up'. He was so excited he punched his fist into the air!

For me it was a very timely reminder of the legitimacy of why I am always rushing and why my life often seems like trying to run through thick treacle... It actually can be! Every single little thing that I do requires conscious thought and effort - even something so mundane and obvious as swallowing. If I get distracted, I choke. Every single mouthful of food or drink needs a moment of conscious thought. Can I sip a drink while I'm driving? Only if I am very, very careful...

A chain of events - like saying Hi when you make a phone call, followed by introducing yourself, followed by setting the scene to orient your listener, followed by asking your question - all the time making sure that your listener is still 'with' you. Let alone smiling so that my voice sounds happy... None of that is automatic for me. Still. Over twenty years later - and despite that I 'look' absolutely fine, it's still an effort. I often forget a step, even though I try hard to remind myself. Then I'm very self-conscious of the fact that I sound 'a little off'... It's very easy for me to 'forget' to feel confident...

Everything takes longer and means extra effort. It's not quite the same as it is for 'you'. Which is OK... But as survivors of a brain injury we have to make super-human efforts to 'be normal' and when we try and explain ourselves and we are not heard, we feel minimized. Invisible like our disabilities. Ignored. We would give our right arms (well maybe not!) if things could be easy for us again - as in 'just the same for me' when it really was just the same... (And I say 'we' after speaking to many other survivors about this>) When someone - anyone - tries to explain their world to you, please hear them. To reply with 'it's the same for me' - even if it really is the same, is to dismiss them. They have said it because they want to try to explain their life to you. They want you to understand; they care about what you think; your understanding is valuable to them.

I - and thousands like me - try so hard to keep up with today's really fast pace. It's a constant, huge (overused word, yes, but it fits here...) problem that will be with us for the rest of our lives. Seeing and being part of this special 'RSVP phone call' reminded me to be kind to myself and to give myself a hug - especially when I feel like giving up altogether. That I keep going despite some of the difficulties is really quite an achievement. Underneath the 'normal' veneer - that I work so hard to put up - occasionally is a frustrated and sad woman. With a little more understanding - from both you and from myself - it could be a woman punching the air and cheering yes! Even after something mundane and 'everyday'.

Let's celebrate the fact that we are here at all. Every day...

Yes!

PS Thank you Ann for teaching me how to make a link!

On the way - in a zero visibility blizzard...

I've no idea why it feels this way? Except maybe that I have realized how may zillion 'details' need organizing (I'm a perfectionist... bad habit) before I can really move ahead.

I have spent hours researching keywords and spring-cleaning my database... and of course it has to be done RIGHT NOW! Good job I work for myself cos anyone else would just walk out. Yuk!

Aside from that... I have found lots to be inspired by recently. My friend ANN- who is a brilliant and zany writer from Boston - blogged so enthusiastically about blogging (which I had been resisting) - and made it sound like actual fun. Yay! I must find out how to link two blogs together so I can show you what I mean... I would love to write like her when I grow up! The best thing about blogs is that you don't ramble too much like you do in a private diary. In case someone might read it... I can imagine me re-reading this in a year or two and being able to actually understand it. Neat!

Another woman who really inspired me is the wife of one of the soccer players who had their annual awards dinner in my town last night. They gave her and her husband a standing ovation and have formed an association to 'kick MS"... It gave me goose-bumps, standing behind a crowd of several hundred, strong, healthy, applauding men. Wow... I also realized how she has had to struggle at the very time she feels 'un-able'. To find information about MS and its treatment, as well as every other disease, spurs me on to finish my website. I remember well the difference that being part of a therapeutic community felt and I want to publish tons of information in plain language.

I have some grandiose plans to market this website... Including several 'tours' of hospital rehab units and traveling at the same time. Part of me shakes my head and wonders who on earth I think I am that anyone would want to come to my presentations. I haven't even finished my first presentation yet, let alone presented it! On the other hand: why not? I talked to a woman today in North Carolina that I know who I'm hoping will help me build a tour down south.

So funny though that I have had several people phone me to give me feedback about my site rather than leave comments! Is that because many of the people I know don't feel comfortable with the internet? Or do I just notice it because I crave some feedback? Maybe I'm more of an exhibitionist than I thought? One thing's for sure; I wish I had a business partner...

I'm still blown away by the similarities between building a business and rebuilding a life. Of course there is no emotional and physical loss when you're business building. And hopefully it's a much quicker process. But otherwise... I am also very aware of my own physical fragility - and also blown away by the genuine lack of understanding that people have of what that means... I guess I shouldn't be surprised because I still have trouble really realizing it - and many neurological problems are invisible. The people who seem to understand me best are those people who've 'been there'.

So, am I enjoying this journey? You bet! The most amazing thing is the fire within me. It is starting to blaze and crackle for the first time in 23 years. Now I just need to make sure the whole darn house doesn't catch fire and work on keeping it stoked and make sure nothing comes along to douse it.

AND... I must make sure I go for a walk on the beach tomorrow morning and go to my dance class... And pay my bills and do some word exercises on FREE RICE And read all my google alerts...

It's never been more important to try and keep my self running smoothly...

A moment of elation!

I wish I could slow down time. (Yeah, yeah, yeah...) Many ReBuilders (according to my OT, most of us) have a problem with speed and time and getting everything on our lists done. Time management. Our brains scheme and plan at the same rate as they did before they were injured. And like idiots we let our brains tell us what to do!

After twenty years I have still not managed to get it through to my brain that we HAVE to go a bit slower so 'I' can keep up. The result of this, need I say, is boring old fatigue. I always think though, that if I finally 'get there' - wherever 'there' is - it might just mean that 'the scary end' is right round the corner? And that's how I justify being out of sync... On the other hand, maybe I need to apply the same, clean 'parenting' principals that the books say I should try on my kids (rarely do I get that right either...) and tell my brain that 'now we will go slower'. And that's it. No argument. I'm the boss...

But back to the elation bit... I was delighted and very surprised on Friday to learn from my brilliant (I'm allowed to say that cos I'm English!) business coach that I might indeed have a good business idea after all! Yay!! I was just about to throw in the towel. All I need now is the energy to follow through on 'the big plan' (and finish it)... When I read it I can easily see 4 full-time jobs in there!

But... One step - and one stage - at a time. Slow down and breathe... Which is exactly what I want for my clients sometimes? Funny that... I wonder if it's boringly obvious to everyone else? I find it very difficult to take my own advice! Building a business really is similar to ReBuilding your life - in so many 'practical' ways.

Just totally different...

As my sweetheart mum - and our good friend Vahan in the 70's - would say "Take it easy. But take it!"

Have a yellow-daffodils-blowing-in-the-breeze-and-chocolate-filled-Easter... I love this time of year!

Aha...

Going into any 'new' area -- in this case for me, business and the internet -- is always littered with booby-traps, buzz words and thick tangled undergrowth. After just a week of picking my way carefully through it, I'm exhausted. It seems so complicated... I work hard and write reams of what I think is great-sounding stuff... Just to find I'm barely passing go.

Every time I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror I see this zombie-in-the-headlights staring back at me. Forging new pathways for anyone, anytime, is uncomfortable, terrifying, tortuous, humiliating, humbling, sheer bloody hard work...

Wow...

I'd been 'comfortable' for too long... This is (nowhere near, really) what it must be like for my clients. This may be my comfort zone now (counselling, coaching). But when you're in the middle of 'change', it's pure hell. My clients probably see a stunned, strange person staring back at them too when they look into the mirror...

Being out of my comfort zone is like being blindfolded and spun round and around, a hundred times, and then plunged repeatedly into cold water. I really get it now: why it's so important that I try to create a nice comfy, cozy nest at work. Otherwise my clients would never feel safe enough to peek over the covers and take their next, tentative stretch.

A soft, warm blanket and a gentle hug would be welcome right about now...

Thank you Reger. For reminding me.

(And I hope you're listening. Doing your market research...)